The Scary Pregnant Lady Society

At the beginning of my pregnancy I swore to myself that I would steer clear of those pregnancy messaging boards. No matter how many questions I had that had to be answered Right Now, I would not create an account to ask them. Instead, I’d just write my question down and save them for my doc. After all, I see her every Wednesday. I could wait a week tops for answers, right?


I realized that was not an option the very first time I woke up at three in the morning, wondering ‘what if, what if, what if‘. And that’s how I ended up with an account at one of the bigger message boards out there.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against message boards in general. I think they can be a wonderful place to talk to like-minded people. It’s when you’re like-minded people are a bunch of hormonal crazies that letting them all have a say becomes dangerous. And mean.

Especially when it comes to the Very Important Topics like breastfeeding, circumcision and birth plans. Because even though they’re all important topics to discuss, sure, there’s no need to get nasty.

Really, there’s no need.

If we were all in our right minds, we would probably realize this (Boob Nazis aside). But in the middle of an hormonal fit… Eh. On top of that, every pregnant girl who stood at her kitchen counter at 4 in the morning eating peanut butter straight from the jar, or purchased a baby wipe warmer because it ‘seemed nifty’ can tell you that we suffer from poor impulse control.

Stuff all of us in one place, and people are going to get hurt. It took me about 5 minutes of browsing around to realize why I was so against signing up in the first place…

… When one momma-to-be called another almost-mother an ‘inconsiderate bitch’.

Hi, Kettle? This is Pot. You’re black!

I won’t log on again. And to protect myself against moments of poor judgment and temporary amnesia, I asked Sam to change my password into something I would never guess.

If I could give you one piece of advise, it would be that you do the same. The last thing you need when you’re already stressed over something is another crazy pregnant lady piling on negativity.

Eat a tub of ice cream to calm your nerves instead.