Life On Pause

The night I was discharged from the hospital and arrived home with all my personal stuff, gifts, balloons and flowers but without my babies, I broke down a little. From the get-go, I knew this would most likely be the case. All the birth stories I read about women having twins seemed to ‘end’ this way – mom got to go home, but the babies didn’t… or at least not just yet. I knew this would be the case for me when I delivered my girls a day short of 32 weeks. They might be doing Awesome and Great (which they are), but the hospital isn’t going to let them go just yet. And I learned that knowing that something is going to happen a certain way doesn’t automatically mean that you prepared for it. Big, big difference there.

When I arrived home and sat down on my bed, I had a lot of mixed feelings. On the one hand, I was happy to be back in my safe place, with my own bed and shower with decent water pressure. I get to fall asleep next to my husband and tuck in my two other kids and kiss them goodnight before I do. On the other, my babies are now a 25 minutes away by car, instead of an elevator ride and a few steps.

I know they are where they need to be right now – in their safe place, with an amazing NICU staff who will be there to take care of them when we’re not. These nurses, these amazing women, have been able to answer all my questions in a language that I can understand, and I have no doubt that they will look after my girls and make sure they have everything they need. I trust them. But still…

… I want them home.

The next couple of days will probably feel like our lives are on hold, driving to and from the hospital and settling into a routine we’ll break out of the moment we do get to take our beautiful girls home.

Let’s hope I’ve stopped crying before that day comes.

Leave a comment


  1. I was only ten years old, when the benjamin of the family arrived at 32 weeks. But I know it has been a period of mixed feelings for both my parents. My little brother did just fine, and came home with us a little month after he was born. We all had to wear little masks (which we did exactly for one day and then decided to leave it like that).
    Thinking of you a lot!

    • Rhye

       /  October 13, 2012

      Thank you, that’s so sweet! The girls are doing fine, too. Cole and Sadie finally get to meet them today, so I’m excited for that! They had terrible colds they needed to lose first, but today’s the day ^^


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