Things I’ve Learned Today

  • Sea food is only for Dolphins.
  • I’m a liar, because sharks DO TO make a sound. They go DAH DUM, DAH DUM, DAH DUM (cue my husband spitting out his coffee back in his cup because he was laughing too hard to swallow it, which was malignant (magnificent))
  • At weddings, you eat toast.
  • Pregnant women can’t wear shoes with laces. It’s forbidden by law.
  • Chicken is made out of chicken.
  • In this house, we have Sam Meat and Rhye Meat. Sam meat is very delicious. Rhye meat is meat that you keep chewing, but will never go away (thanks, bud).
  • Sadie is two, and therefore the oldest she has been in her entire life. Can’t poke holes in that logic.
  • Men have to shave. Their foreheads, too. Because they look like Bert from Sesame street if they don’t.
  • When you’re all grown up, you only grow sideways. And fur.
  • ‘Yia Yia teaches bullies to behave themselves!’ (She fosters pitbulls)
  • Old and wrinkly people are old and wrinkly because they fall asleep in the tub and stay in too long.

… And it’s only 7am.

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